I’m learning there are different types of patience. I have certain kinds. I’m great at having patience with a child who need help learning something. I can wait for ages for someone who is running late. I can even have patience to help someone who is struggling with depression and wants to give up. But when I am in America, waiting for whatever the next step might be, I’m restless.
I do not rest well. I never really have. I’ve always been the one who gets as involved as I can. That mentality is good in so many ways, but can also lead to a feeling of restlessness and impatience.
My time in the states has been restful. I needed a few days to rest from the summer and to get readjusted to the time zone. But now that I am rested, I am just bored. I am at home all day everyday, by myself, with nothing to do except school. Since I have had the same school load throughout all the busyness of summer and being a missionary, school does not seem like a challenging task.
So what have I been doing then? Well, I’ve played a lot of piano. I’ve been teaching my dog Croatian. I’ve been learning Croatian. Writing papers for school, cooking dinners, sleeping. A whole lot of the same thing… all day, everyday.
Restlessness seems to be a good word to describe the way that I’m feeling because impatience isn’t exactly what I’m feeling. I do not feel hurried to take a next step, rather I am feeling restless because I feel like I am not doing anything. Maybe God is trying to teach me something… Please be praying for me during this season. I am learning how to rest, and it is a real challenge. If you have any ideas or encouragement about rest please let me know!
If you can’t tell I’m a little bored, but I am hoping my restlessness will soon be met with a task. On the 25th of September, I am going to Allentown, Pennsylvania to visit the FIM headquarters! There I will spend a day getting to know the staff and ministry. I am hoping that this meeting goes well. Please be praying that it brings open doors and more for me to do.
God has always given me everything I need. Even when I didn’t know I needed something, he has been faithful to provide it. Right now, God thinks I need to be restless and patient. He’s showing me that I need to learn to rest. I haven’t figured out how to do that well yet, but I’m trusting him to show me. Lauren Daigle’s album “Look Up Child” has been encouraging me A LOT recently. The song “Everything” talks about trusting God even when things are hard. Even when I am struggling to rest, God has given and is giving me the things I need. When I can’t see, he leads me. When I can’t hear, he shows me. When I can’t stand, he carries me. When I’m lost, he finds me. When I’m weak, he is mighty. He is everything I need.