“I will rest in the fathers hands, leave the rest in the fathers hands.” The first time I sang this I was confused by what it meant. As we repeated this line over and over I was overwhelmed with emotion as the meaning hit me like a ton of bricks. This line is in my new favorite worship song- “Bigger Than I Thought” by Passion.
Taking time for myself is something I have never done. I am always the one who does one more thing, takes on one more task, and never, ever thinks about herself. I didn’t realize how truly exhausted I was until I was traveling with my family in England after Christmas. It was the first time I had taken time away from the kids, the church, and everything so that I could focus on my family and myself. I remember thinking “why do I feel completely exhausted?” It wasn’t until I had time to reflect that I realized I had been putting the kids first and not taking any time for myself. I was constantly texting them and worrying about how they were doing that I forgot to worry about myself.
My time back in the U.S. has been spent resting. Having time by myself to think, process, and rest has been so wonderful. With lots of time on my hands, I have had time to see my American friends. It has been such a blessing to catch up with them, I’ve missed them so much. In addition to taking two classes, I have spent my January practicing guitar like crazy. I was recently blessed to volunteer at a camp called Vida Nueva where I helped in leading worship. I practiced like I had never practiced before. Since I’ve only been playing guitar for five months, being asked to lead worship was terrifying. You may be thinking “isn’t her job in England to lead worship?” Yes. In a sense. But teaching children to lead worship and actually leading worship are two totally different things. When I am with my kids in England I have many voices and guitars all leading together. Playing guitar by myself and singing with only one other person is totally outside my comfort zone. The weekend was full of learning spiritually and musically.
At this time last year, I was thirsting for God to show me what the next chapter of my life would be. I thought it would be in Arizona, but God knew best. In August he quenched my thirst by showing me His plan. Since then I have been constantly reminded of his unfailing love. Resting in the fathers hands is something I have made a point to do. Even though sometimes I want to fight for control, God really does know everything about me, my future, my struggles, and my worries. There is no point being stressed trying to make my plans a reality. I will rest in the fathers hands knowing that He will take care of everything else. I’m learning to take this short season of rest with an open heart, ready and willing to learn anything I can.