Today was hard. For more reasons than one. You see, today was the first day my kids had a guitar lesson without me. As a proud music mom, it is so hard to see another teacher teach my kids. I knew the day was coming and I tried to be prepared, but I was clearly not prepared enough. My heart tells me that I should be their only music teacher, and that the other teacher will not teach them properly. But that is so far from the truth. There is a song called “It’s Not About You” by Davis Handley, and although it is not necessarily a Christian song, it has some extremely humbling reminders in it. (Y’all seriously need to listen to it). It is so selfish of me to believe the lie that it is my job to teach, love, and protect my kids. It is in fact “not about [me]” and what I want. It’s all about the glory that God is receiving by what He does through me. It is not my job to teach, love, and protect my kids because God is already doing that perfectly! If He wants me to be in Gateshead teaching them guitar and piano again, then He will bring me back in His timing. For now I must remember to be patient. If making me stay in Houston for three months is God’s way of giving me patience, then Lord make me stay!
Psalms 46:10 says:
“Be STILL and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”
Being still is something I have never really done. If you know me, you know that I get involved in all kinds of activities purely because I like to be busy! In high school, I was involved in every single extracurricular activity that the band offered. God has quite literally stopped everything and given me an opportunity to be STILL and rest in His peace knowing that He holds my future. I cannot plan my future better than God. Right now, I am not doing a very good job of being still. I am wriggling quite a bit. I must seem like an antsy three year old waiting to get an ice cream cone to God. But if being still is what will make God “exalted among the nations” then I must do my best to sit still! At the end of the day, it is not about glorifying myself, but about glorifying Him. The struggle to be still will continue, and I am praying that I will get better at it because I do not want to miss out on hearing His voice.
Another reason today was hard was because my body decided that today would be the day to hit me with horrible waves of nausea. I ended up leaving work early so that I could get some much needed rest. Not a fun way to spend a day when you are already desperately missing your kids.
Although so much struggle was happening in my life today, I am SO thankful that God brought the cold(ish) weather to Houston!! When I came back from England I thought I was going to drown in sweat, but God has finally brought me some relief. (I told my English friends that the Texans started wearing their fluffy winter attire in 55ºF weather and they were “pure creased” with laughter).
I wish it was possible to be in more places than one, because if I could I would be in Sisak, Gateshead, and Houston right now. But unfortunately that is not possible, so for now I need to be still and rest in the assurance that God knows best (even if I’m wriggling a little bit). Please uplift me in prayer, because this is a real struggle for me and I will not be able to do it on my own.
Give me your patience. Take a tight grip of me and hold me down until I am still. Remind me of your goodness daily. Continue to allow the kids to grow in music while I am not there. Please give them the strength to continue leading worship on Sundays. Thank you for choosing “My Lighthouse” to be the worship song this week, you know how much I needed it. Please remind me that you are “my lighthouse” when I am lost at sea. Help me to rely on nobody but You.